My Date!

A couple of people asked me about this date I went on. I'm really at odds about it, to be honest. Lets play it out so you guys know what happened!

I picked her up from her place and we sat in the car for a few mins. There was awkward silence and the tension was thick in the little space we occupied! I had plans on where to go, but I gave her the option on what she wanted to do. She didn't seem to be very decisive so I made her mind up for her!

We took a drive down to the port. She, being a little confused, was hesitant on getting out of my car. I extended my hand to help her out and closed the door and we walked talking about what happened in church on the previous Sunday. Ending the topic of conversation, she asks where we're off to. I respond, avoiding to answer, but giving the answer, "you'll know when we get there!"

We walk a bit further and we arrive at a small cruise liner. I've planned a luncheon banquet that had an all you can eat buffet, a live band and free wine. [I got my sip in and repented later!] She was shocked to the point of almost tearing! Are women this emotional all of the time? GOODNESS! We talked and ate and talked some more, just about anything that came to mind. It was a nice time.

The cruise ended about 3 hours later. I drove her back home. She invited me in. I started to enter and I thought about one thing my pastor said, "A good date is one where you can say good night!" I grabbed her hand and pulled her close and kindly declined to enter. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and went my way back to the car. She stood flabbergasted in the doorway! I waved and departed.

That was my date!

Today is the Day!

I will be going on that date today. I am a little nervous about the whole ordeal. We haven't spoken since that day we spoke at church. I guess thats good right? that enables more to be talked about on the date! Said with the assumption that I would not be clamming up into an unsociable mut!

Okay I have that school-boy nervousness! The kind that occurs right before a test that you're unsure about! I don't like this feeling!

Why does this feel like this is the only date I will ever have? Why do I feel like I am banking the rest of my life on this date? Is there alot riding on this date? I am making myself more nervous just talking on the inept possibility! I just cannot take it!

More to come!

Setup!

So I was at church on this past week and one of the church mothers calls me ova to her after service. We are talkin about school, and work and guess what my girlfriend. I look away and suddenly distanced myself from details of this part of the conversation. She tells me not to be ashamed. I thought "what"! She said there's nothing wrong with saving yourself. I thought "she has no clue huh"! She told me that I am of the age when I am looking my best. She advised me if I was looking for a wife to begin looking now. I asked "where on earth would I look?" She said "in the church dear"! I caught myself and reserved my statement! She calls over a familiar name. Do you remember that girl I was talking about in my last post, well It's her!

I'm like no this isn't happening! Why is this happening? I just want this nightmare to be over!

Scaredy Cat

I, in the worst way, would like to step to this girl. Here's the problem, I'm a considerate guy. I don't want to take advantage of her feelings knowing I'm fighting a gay demon inside of me! I really think I'd be a good candidate for her and she might even like me too. We've flirted on occassion. I believe she may be too young for me. I wanted a saved woman that was closer to God than I was. This one is just getting her feet wet in college! She can't wait to turn 21 and I have been there for some time now. I have been the places where she wants to experiment. I just don't know.

I've longed for a wife ever since I turned 18 and have never had luck successfully dating. At the same time I've always tried dating secular women (aints)! I just don't want to take advantage of anyone for my selfish needs. I don't wanna ruin anyone else's life because of my confusion. A traditional family is what I want. A wife is what I need! Its better to marry than to burn, right? thats scripture! lol

Why do I get caught out there? Maybe I will find that woman that will help me out of this confusion, I don't know! We'll see